Dear Kathleen,
I don't really know how to start. I have so many question and I'm sure you don't have any for me since you just suddenly unfriend me. I know its just Facebook but if you look into it, its the best way to communicate with you and everyone else in the Philippines.
When we are little, you and me are almost twins. We always play together even though our families are always fighting each other. I treasure our friendship more than I should. I ignore your parents insult to my parents and vise versa so I don't have to fight with you too. Jay use to say that she views our friendship like a stone, despite the constant clash we still manage to hold on to whats important. Now I just think Jay saw it in a different way than what it really was. She probably saw me hugging you, not seeing you pushing me.
All these years I think of you and I swear to my self I will bring you here in New Zealand. I even told Jay that when I have a stable job you will be my first target. To pull you out of there and give you a better living over here. But no, I don't think that's happening anymore. What will I have evaporated when you choose to be judgmental like your jealous mother.
I always believed that you are different. I hoped anyway. I hope that you can be open minded when your mother spread false rumors about my family and when your father ordered your brothers to destroy our fence. Still, I cling to my faith in you. When your mother verbally abused my aunt who is living now in our house your eyes are clouded by jealousy, just like the rest of your family, and didn't see the reality.
It was never my intention to make you choose between my family and yours but I just hoped that maybe you don't have to take sides. But what really hurts me the most is that you forgot that I haven't done anything to hurt you. I've done my best to smile and be friendly to your family no matter what they say behind my back just so I can spend time with you. You forgot that I love you and I miss your company dearly. You forgot that all this time I still defend you from the family. But you abandoned me. You left me to fall.
In time I hope that you will realize. I hope that when that time comes its not yet too late.
Love you always,
Me
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
A Way Out
A few days ago a friend of mine, who I haven't spoken to for a month or so, gave me a call. It was weird because even since she and my brother broke up we hardly ever spoken. I was mostly busy in my job and she was doing her own thing.
I was shock because in those 6 weeks that we haven't spoke she went to Auckland without even telling me. I though "Is this it? Is this the end of our friendship?". For a while it hurts to even think about it so, like every one of my problems, I forget about it. Not by drinking, no sir, instead I surf the internet.
What is even more shocking is the reason for her call. You see, I got stock on that dead end job of mine for almost 3 years now and even before I already keep telling my friends how I hated the job and that if there is anything else better in this small town I would gladly take it. So, when she asked me if I want a new job would I take it. My heart went into an over drive almost immediately. It was like an automatic hammer was set loose in my rib cage and firing nails all over the place.
She didn't tell what it was at first because she wants to know if I was welling. Was I welling? If wasn't inside the supermarket that time I would have jumped all over the apples and oranges. Turns out she went to Auckland not for a holiday but for a training. I was stoke for her since she also have the drowning feeling whenever she thinks about her future, but now she is so happy and optimistic. It was crazy. She is not the brave kind of woman, so was I, but she is a different kind of chicken. She once broke up with her boyfriend because her bf leaves in another city. What was that? Did you say "That's not so hard, why don't she move in with him?" Well, that's where the chicken comes out. She broke up with him because she doesn't want to live in a place where she knows no one. But now, she is traveling from one city to another.
And that's the job that she is offering me. Well, she's not really offering it to me. She just gave my name to her boss so he could call me and arrange an interview. But since then, my heart haven't stopped from hammering. And now, when I think about my future I no longer see the same thing I did today. Instead, I see a me who is a professional and working my ass off but still having a good time. Earns a lot, spends little, can finally afford a house, new car, and wearing clean black suit with blood red top and proud parents to call me from time to time.
So finally, if they ever call me, I would be on top of the world. This is like opportunity slapping me in the face and, with all my might, I would grab it by the nose and bring it home with me because, baby, I would fuck opportunity.
I was shock because in those 6 weeks that we haven't spoke she went to Auckland without even telling me. I though "Is this it? Is this the end of our friendship?". For a while it hurts to even think about it so, like every one of my problems, I forget about it. Not by drinking, no sir, instead I surf the internet.
What is even more shocking is the reason for her call. You see, I got stock on that dead end job of mine for almost 3 years now and even before I already keep telling my friends how I hated the job and that if there is anything else better in this small town I would gladly take it. So, when she asked me if I want a new job would I take it. My heart went into an over drive almost immediately. It was like an automatic hammer was set loose in my rib cage and firing nails all over the place.
She didn't tell what it was at first because she wants to know if I was welling. Was I welling? If wasn't inside the supermarket that time I would have jumped all over the apples and oranges. Turns out she went to Auckland not for a holiday but for a training. I was stoke for her since she also have the drowning feeling whenever she thinks about her future, but now she is so happy and optimistic. It was crazy. She is not the brave kind of woman, so was I, but she is a different kind of chicken. She once broke up with her boyfriend because her bf leaves in another city. What was that? Did you say "That's not so hard, why don't she move in with him?" Well, that's where the chicken comes out. She broke up with him because she doesn't want to live in a place where she knows no one. But now, she is traveling from one city to another.
And that's the job that she is offering me. Well, she's not really offering it to me. She just gave my name to her boss so he could call me and arrange an interview. But since then, my heart haven't stopped from hammering. And now, when I think about my future I no longer see the same thing I did today. Instead, I see a me who is a professional and working my ass off but still having a good time. Earns a lot, spends little, can finally afford a house, new car, and wearing clean black suit with blood red top and proud parents to call me from time to time.
So finally, if they ever call me, I would be on top of the world. This is like opportunity slapping me in the face and, with all my might, I would grab it by the nose and bring it home with me because, baby, I would fuck opportunity.
Friday, October 18, 2013
My Biggest Regret
About a year ago i started to watch a tv series. I will not say names but I can tell you a few clues: 1) its about vampires and all other fantasy creatures 2) have lots of sex in it and 3) its based on a book. If you still dont get it I would have to ask you how you get WiFi under a rock. Lets proceed.
I borrowed a book, or two or three, from the Library, for thirty days, because I got curious how the books defer from the series. Would it still have that much nudity? did the things happened in the series really happened in the book? well, I didnt find out. I went home, start to read and in that moment I realize I cant read the books if I actually saw the movie or the series first. Which is nuts! me reading the book before watching the movie/series first is not a problem, but the other way around? not going to happen. So I started to read the first chapter and I put it down. I can no longer feel the thrill of reading because the series ruined it for me.
It was about a week after that that I have to leave for a week because I'm going to my friend in the city for a holiday. it was nice and awesome and exciting not to be bound by the small area of a small town in which I was living. So I forgot about the books. When I get back I did not return them hoping that I would summon the enthusiasm to read it, I didnt. Instead, I just let it gather dust under my small, soft, single bed and the month have passed on.
I borrowed a book, or two or three, from the Library, for thirty days, because I got curious how the books defer from the series. Would it still have that much nudity? did the things happened in the series really happened in the book? well, I didnt find out. I went home, start to read and in that moment I realize I cant read the books if I actually saw the movie or the series first. Which is nuts! me reading the book before watching the movie/series first is not a problem, but the other way around? not going to happen. So I started to read the first chapter and I put it down. I can no longer feel the thrill of reading because the series ruined it for me.
It was about a week after that that I have to leave for a week because I'm going to my friend in the city for a holiday. it was nice and awesome and exciting not to be bound by the small area of a small town in which I was living. So I forgot about the books. When I get back I did not return them hoping that I would summon the enthusiasm to read it, I didnt. Instead, I just let it gather dust under my small, soft, single bed and the month have passed on.
And then another.
In the library's policy, one day late is 20 cents. I had three so that would be 60 cents a day. multiply it for, atleast, 40 days. Now do the math since I didnt, afraid of what the outcome would be. Well, ok, I would do it. OMG! 24 dollars? I knew I shouldn't have done it. its all your fault! You made me do it!!!
haha... I have gone nuts for a second. anyway, now i know how much I owe the library. Now I know that I can buy two books of my choosing in the internet. Well, I guess the question is "Should I be an honorable person and pay the fine?"
I am a good person, but I am human too. I have flaws. With that in thought, I try as much as possible to do good. I still do so my answer is Hell No!
Why? I... I just forgot what I was gonna write, tsk, it was awesome too. Well, ok. call me anything you like, you are just a random person over the other side of the world and maybe before you can read this, years have already passed and I finally won the Lotto and paid (and bought) the Library!
Either way, I will pay the Library. Eventually, but not today, or tomorrow. Probably when I'm too desperate. Not gonna happen anytime soon. Sigh. I hope that you will learn from my silly experience. And I hope, without me telling you, that you would understand how I felt and why I regretted it the most. If you did, you must be like me. And then I am glad, you just got a peek inside the silly heart of a silly writer.
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