Help.

Please help me because I don't know what to do or think or say. My sister is pregnant. Again. and, Again, to a married man. She is planning to terminate the baby but I don't want her to. I know it is going to be chaotic but I don't care. I don't care what people think and I don't care what they'll do about it. All I know is that that baby is going to be as beautiful as my my nephew. Maybe even more. Not to mention that abortion is a grave sin and I don't want anyone I know to commit, specially my sister. My own flesh and blood. This is why, I think, I'm better of as a robot. No lust, no greed, no longings.

Oh no! I'm not making any sense! but whatever...

As of now, I'm just scared. Not for me but for my father who doesn't know yet, for my mother who is going to tell my father, for my sister whom I cant understand, and for the baby's life. Is there any other way to solve this?

How does it feels to be in love?

How does it feels? Can you tell me? because I can't remember. Does it feels like you can fly like I've seen in the movie? Does it feels like everything in this stupid damn world is beautiful? Of course it does. I mean, ins't that how you know that you're in love? All the love songs and shit. Even Mondays became the best day there is because you haven't seen the guy/girl during the weekends. Then you develop this odd habits like looking at the particular place that guy/girl usually hangs out in.

I was once in love. It was a long time ago. He didn't even like me the way I like him, yet it feels like heaven whenever we are together. I've lost those feelings, they were buried by hate. And now, no matter how much I dig, it is just not deep enough. I wonder why.

I remember saying to my friends that I wouldn't love anymore because I am unfixable. Way too damage, so I throw my self to the credit bin where all the damage goods goes. I let lose of my body, stop doing activities, getting up late, waking up late, refuse to do anything. I know that I'm gonna grow old alone and I'm fine that. Look, who am I kidding. Of course I'm not fine with that, it just that I'm long disqualified from the game. I could work hard to be qualified again but its too much of a hassle.That the problem.

All I wanted is to fall in love again, and get probably get hurt again. That will then be my breaking point. That would be the indicator of how love is never born for me. I can accept that even though I would hate it. But I least I've experienced it once again, right? Nah, its too much to ask. I know that. I just hopeful, nothing's wrong with that.

But guess this is alright. I can flirt whenever I want. I don't have to mind what he wants (thank god for that, its really annoying when you ask him what he wants then he would just answer "what ever you want"). I don'd have to stop my life for him.

I guess this life is good enough. I guess.