A Gust of Nope

       For the past couple of months I have found someone I truly care about. He is fantastic, caring, nice and above all, he loves me for everything that I am. We are only a couple of months together but it feels like we are together for years. At first I wasn't very sure if its the right kind of love that I feel but now I'm sure as hell. I am Happy.
      Then came the "But". I haven't been in a relationship for a long time and I never really thought about relationship until lately for reasons only make sense to my self. The first one would be my self. I seem to change quite a bit whenever I'm in a relationship. I have this aweful moods that seem to disgust me. I become needy and jealous and I'm no longer in control of my emotions. I guess its part of being in love but, hell, I turn into an evil bitch.
      The worst part of it is that I always want to create drama. Look, the guy is perfect. He takes care of me. He treats me well. But whenever I am by my self I have my brain plotting some kind of drama to break us up. For example now, I just thought of a plan how to break us up. He is going back to the Philippines for a month and the only we could communicate is through FB and phone calls. I just thought that if I "accidentally" break my phone he wont be calling me while he is there. Plus we are moving to a new place and there wont be internet for a while. That crosses out the FB as well. I could do all those but then I would only hurt the both of us... then why did I even consider it? why am I still considering it? Am I happy? yes, I never felt this happy in a very long time.Then can somebody tell me why?
  This reasons are ridiculous. I love him unlike any other and whenever we are together are total bliss. It makes me laugh how he could love a monster like me. I could totally ruin him. I totally could but it would ruin my self in the process. I have this weird voice in my head saying that I dont need him. Its saying that this love isn't right and it would hurt me one way or another. He could leave me just like that and he would hate me. I am nuts and a lot paranoid but is it just paranoia? I know for a fact that he love me now but that doesn't guarantee tomorrow. That scares me. Its scares me so much I want to inject nitrogen in my heart to freeze it down.
   This is probably the reason why I never stayed in a relationship longer than 3 months. It scares me.
for the record, I am perfectly sober.